Nyotalia the movie audition script
Summary: all the countries have been magically turned into the opposite gender thanks to England’s ‘curse’ now in order to turn themselves back they must travel the world for ingredients for the reversal potion.
England: yes my curse for France is almost complete! That douche will rue the day he insulted my cooking! Now for the final incantation…
Mean while downstairs…
Germany: All right so are ve all here? Let’s begin—
America: dude where’s Iggybrows? I mean not that I like care about him.
France: ‘e’s probably failing miserably trying to make ‘im self as beautiful as moi~
Italy: hey Germany can I have some pasta I’m hungry-
Germany: NINE you just ate!
Japan: Germany is right Itary didn’t you just have sree herpings of spaghetti?
Italy: don’t for get gelato for desert!
China: why am I always surrounded by such immature countries… your all stupid aru…
Russia: da I agree it would be so much simpler if you would all just become one with mother Russia da…?
All (except Russia): NO WAY!!!!
Back to England
England: expecto patronium cowell one direcium potter malice wonder gutter ringo Jonah dumbledora (REPEATS, HUGE FLASH ESPLODES ACROSS THE GLOBE WASHING OVER ALL THE COUNTRIES KNOCKING THEM ALL UNCONCIOUS INCLUDING ENGLAND)
All the countries start to wake up starting with Italy
Italy: ow ow ow… my head hurts… that was a big blasty thingy… I wonder what it was…? Ah! Where’s Germany and Japan!? Japaaaan! Gremanyyyy! Guyyyyyyysss! – [sees reflection in a mirror] WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA~
Germany: huh…? Vhat ze hell just happened…? Italy vhat did you do zis ti—[looks up at Italy] oh hello zere um can I help jou miss?
Italy: m-miss…? Wait a sec! I know that funny accent anywhere~ Germany~ [hugs Germany] veeee~ it looks like that blasty thing changed you too~
Germany: vait … ITALY!?
Germany: vhy ze hell are you a chick!?
Italy: hey your one too
Germany: VHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!!!!?? @!##%*^&$%#!@#@^*^&
All the others begin to wake up.
America: aw dude what the hell was that? Russia, did you just declare nuclear war on me?
Russia: wasn’t me honest!
China: what the hell? What did you idiots blow up now?
France: I’d say America had one too many hamburgers…
Japan: does anyone erse rearize sat WE ARE ARR WOMEN!?
France: oh mon dieu! I ‘ave boobs! Zis is a—
America: total nightmare! And how the hell did I get in a F***ing mini skirt!?
China: I’m even shorter than I already was aru!
Russia: I… I look like my little sister… scary…
Japan: [feeling her head] are soes frowers? Do I have frowers in my hair?
France: oh I am absolutely gorgeous! My hair is tres belle! I am so lovely ohonhonhonhon~
America: I can still be a hero if I’m a chick right?
China: the word is heroine, and I’m not talking about the drug aru!
Russia: hey Japan you make cute girl~
Japan: prease… stop touching me…
Germany: ZAT IS ENOUGH!
All (except Germany): Germany!? [All look at her for a moment then the allies burst out laughing]
America: look at his hair!
France: he's in a dress! A dress! And it totally clashes with the rest of his outfit!
China: it’s a trench coat not a dress aru.
Russia: da Germany looks funny~
Italy: hey stop making fun of Germany! Uh… please…
France: Italy! Is zat you? Oh you’re even more adorable zan you were before— [Germany smacks her in the face]
Germany: don’t even zink about it France. Now… let’s see if ve can figure out how zis happened… any ideas?
Allies: … England!
Upstairs the others surround England who is unconscious under a cape, by where the ‘curse’ took place
France: let’s kill him.
America: I’ll do it cuz I’m the… what was that drug again…?
Japan: arsough I admit, I rike France’s idea I do not sink kiring Engrand to be sa best sorution
Germany: right. He might have a vay to change us back. Italy remove ze cape.
Italy: … do I have to?
Germany: Italy! Do you vant to stay a girl!?
Germany: don’t answer zat. Just vake him up.
Italy: uh si, yes sir… [takes the cape off]
All (except England): *gasp* England!?
England: [still unconscious] no… America don’t leave me… for France… he’ll invade your vital re— [Germany drops water on her face, England sits up coughing and sputtering] what the bloody hell was that for you rotten git!? … Uh …
France: you look like Cinderella, waaaaay before the ball~ ohonhonhonhon
England: wait a tick… France is that you!?
France: I’m a vision non?
England: well I wouldn’t go that far... [Germany grabs England by her dress collar] whaaa! Let go of me!
Germany: Vat ze hell kind of hocus pocus did you cast on us you dumcoff!
England: g-Germany? Wait… your all girls?! It was only supposed to work on France!
All (except England): well it didn’t.
France: wait… why would you want to turn me into a girl?
England: to humiliate you of course and get back at you for all the times you insulted me frog! So HA!
France: you thought zis would humiliate me? Oh Mon amie I am LOVING zis! Ohonhonhonhon~ now where is a full length mirror…?
America: why do you need a mirror?
France: but to strip of course! Oh come on! Tell me you aren’t dying to see yourselves naked~
Germany: [blushing] ve don’t have time for zis! Now England…
England: uh… yes…?
Germany: you do know how to reverse zis right…?
England: …um actually… I really didn’t plan on reversing it heh heh heh…
America: OH CRAP! Dude you mean we’re stuck like this!?
Russia: please no, I can’t live looking like my sister I’ll never be able to look in mirror again!
Japan: I feer stupid…
China: you’re telling me.
England: calm down! There’s no need to be hysterical. It can be reversed I just hadn’t planed to do so.
America: oh thank god!
England: well there's a potion— [the others all groan] you wankers shut up!
Now as I was saying, there's a potion that can change us back.
Germany: vell vere is it?
England: well… that’s the problem… I don’t have the ingredients…
China: you stupid bastard!
France: I think you mean bitch
China: I don’t care! In all my 4000 years I have never met anyone so careless aru! I am going to beat the shit out of you! Aiyaa! [Attacks England but Japan steps in between] get out of my way cherry blossom!
Japan: I understand your frustration, but fighting wirr not sorve our probrems!
China: it sure would make me a lot more happy aru!
Germany: Japan is right. England, do you zink you can make a list of all ze ingredients for zis potion?
England: sure easy as meat pie.
Germany: alright ve vill all go out und retrieve zese zings understood? Unless you’d all prefer to be ladies?
France: [everyone raises their hand but France] wha…? Aw… fine I will ‘elp you… but I really wouldn’t mind staying like zis~